Hands Wide Open

July 22, 2023

Hands Wide Open

We have officially arrived in Kenya! We got in late Tuesday night and are staying at teammates’ house while they are in the US for the next two weeks. It is so good to finally be here and to be through the long months of transition and travel.

Throughout the last two weeks in the US, Will and I were quite overwhelmed by everything that still needed to be accomplished and not quite knowing how to be present with goodbyes, while also managing the purchasing, purging and packing that needed to be accomplished. One morning, when I was feeling extra-stressed, Will played this song for me as a reminder of the need for daily surrender to the Lord in the midst of the stress and transition. The line I have held onto and repeated over and over to myself is:

I give it all to you God, trusting that You’ll make something beautiful out of me

All of it is worth it for the sake of bringing glory to the Lord. The heart-wrenching goodbyes. The purging of things we love and that have made us comfortable. The months of staying in other (very generous!!) people’s homes and not having our own place to call home. All of it is worth it. God is worth the surrender of my comfort. He will take it and make it beautiful.

Another line of the same song that became my heart’s cry was:

I will climb this mountain with my hands wide open

It was a daily (more like moment by moment) reminder that nothing is worth holding on to. When I fully surrender, and thus, allow my hands to be wide open, I am able to have the strength to face whatever mountains are in front of me. When I let go of my burdens/ worries/ concerns, it is then that I can take on the strength and stamina that is available to me through the Lord.

What I want to “hold on to” is the guarantee (whether it’s simply and illusion or not) of safety and stability for my family. I want to hold on to comfort- through the “stuff” I have come to love and through the people I love so dearly. I want to cling to the things and people that make me feel secure, seen and loved.

In this journey, surrender has looked like reminding myself that pursuing God fully and being obedient to His call for our family’s life means letting go of comfort being my primary pursuit. Yes, God loves to bless His children with good gifts- and often that means allowing wonderful comforts such as beautiful homes and being surrounded by things/people that make us feel at peace. However, when I make those things my priority before the pursuit of God’s plans for my life and bringing glory to Him, I miss out on what He has for me. So as we said goodbye to people we deeply love and enjoy living close to and as we sold beautiful things that made us feel comfortable and peaceful, I had to refrequently remind myself that the surrender is worth it. The sacrifice is worth it. God is worth it all. As I mourn and grieve what I have to leave behind, I make space in my heart for what is still to come. As I surrender it all to Him, I am free to face the mountains in front of me.

So here we are now, in Kenya with our girls and 20 pieces of luggage (ie: all of our earthly possessions at the moment) and the reminder is needed evermore. We don’t have a home yet (please pray for our house hunting process!) and we’re still in temporary housing and yet, it is worth it. Our prayer (it’s an ongoing struggle) is that our hands will not cling to what is comfortable and familiar, but rather be open to receive what God has for us. It would be so easy on this side of things to start clinging again to what make me feel at peace (because everything feels so foreign and not peaceful!), but my heart’s desire is to cling to the Lord and allow Him to direct me to His true peace- not temporary fixes that don’t have lasting effects.

Please pray for us to face the mountains in front of us with open hands to the Lord- ready to receive His strength, guidance and peace. My prayer for all of you is the same. May you surrender your ways to the Lord. May you open your hands to what He has for you rather than what brings the most comfort in the moment. May we all see that the surrender is worth it.